my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Hippo gnu deer
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
