There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
