Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize