at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
