dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
