Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
