You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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