i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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