haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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