I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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