if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
