i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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