You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
