I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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