we're blogging at a bar
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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