Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
