My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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