whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
