Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize