life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
