OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
