dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
