I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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