I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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