How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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