No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
