I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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