i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
