so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
