you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize