your thong is hanging out like whoa
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
