she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
