i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
