$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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