Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
