Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
vagina is talking i cant
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We left the knife in your bed.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
