There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
