dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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