Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
