Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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