The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
