i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
