I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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