There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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