would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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