don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize