Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
