I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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