I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
