She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
4 words: hood of his car
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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