from now on my penis is your penis
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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