I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
