Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
