your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
