K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have aggressive nipples.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
