Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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