it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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