Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I am naked and annoyed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
