Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
