Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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