My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
