i just wanna soil my oats bro
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
