ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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