Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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