I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
The feeling are messing with the penis
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
