i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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