So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
